My Father

As everyone who has ever looked at this blog knows, I am soon to be a father. It is such an exciting time and I have felt blessed beyond my wildest dreams. With that said, there has been a cloud hanging over the event, that I can't shake. As my time to be a father approaches, I can't get the thought of my father out of my head.

For those of you who don't know, I did not meet my father until I was 18 or 19. When I met him I found him to be a very nice. He loved his family, he had three sons that he continually talked about. When he spoke of his grandchildren, his eyes lit up.

He also did a few nice things for me when we met, but he wouldn't introduce me to his family. His kids, his parents, and his siblings do not know about me. Only his wife knows of me. Every conversation was brought on by me. It has now been at least a year since we have even talked, and he doesn't know that Jackee is even pregnant.

Last night while surfing the Internet, I thought of him again. I googled (imagine that, I used google) him and found out that he is now a mayor. I have such a desire to shout his name to everyone I know and he would know; to tell everyone his secret...me.

A moment of irony: My wife just changed the channel to Sports Center (I know my wife is awesome) and the Tiger Woods story is playing. The weird thing is that I feel sorry for Tiger. I feel sorry for my father. The insecurity that drives people to hurt the people they love the most is frightening.

So, my father is a mayor, and he lives within 20 minutes of my house.

I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to hurt his kids, I don't want to hurt his wife. I really just want to forget about him. I don't want his name to pop into my head. I don't know how to really move past it. I feel like I have no power in the situation. If I confront him about it and start telling everyone his name, I will be vindictive. If I give him a call and talk to him, it just becomes more apparent how he wishes I would vanish. So what am I to do? It isn't like I think about him non-stop, but when something does make me think about him, I start pretty much at square one.

I don't have the remedy, and that is hard for me to admit. Jackee always gives me a hard time because I have been known to say: "I am a problem solver, it is what I do." I don't know how to solve this problem. I like brain teasers, but this one I can't solve.

I really don't even know what I want. On one hand it would be nice to meet my brothers and nieces and nephews, but if I did, it would be awkward. What would we talk about? I can feel the tension just thinking about it.

I would love my son to have two grandfathers. While I was growing up I did not have any biological grandparents after the age of 5. It wasn't as though I didn't have people that treated me like a grandson though. My mom's stepfather is my grandpa and is amazing. I never got to know my mom's mom very well, but my mom's aunts and uncles on her mom side have been amazing. My brother's grandma also treated me like one her one until she passed away. I also had my mom's significant other's mom, Sarah, that was like a grandma. All of those people were great, but none of them were MY Grandma or Grandpa.

At this point, I don't think I would allow our son to meet my father, there is no reason for our son to have to understand why he can't meet his cousins. I don't want to have to explain to him why we don't see Grandpa on Christmas. I don't want to have to explain to him why I call my dad by his first name while he has to call me dad. But, I also don't want to keep it a secret from him either.

My father sells products that I use everyday. Something I love shopping for. I was once told he was a deacon in his church, my faith is something I care deeply about. My father is a mayor, and politics (especially socioeconomic issues) is something I care deeply about. Everywhere I turn, I can see his imprint on my life, but I don't really know him. I think I am a pretty good man, I have my faults, but on the whole, I am not horrible. I don't think my father is either, but I wish I didn't have to deal with him.

Something else just came to mind, I hate to keep secrets. I routinely give presents to people early, at work I hate it when I am not in the know of something new going on, and keeping our son's name a secret has been nearly impossible for me. I always knew I hated secrets because my stepfather use to tell me that I couldn't tell anyone that he abused me. But I have long gotten over that. I now realize that I hate secrets, because I am a secret. For my father, I am a horrible secret, one that could make his life pretty miserable.

In the last two paragraphs I used the word horrible twice, and that is my conundrum. At times I feel my relationship with my father makes it easier for me to be selfish, but I can't fully deal with the situation unless I do something selfish and tell the whole world about him.

I sometimes wonder what or if my father thinks about me. If he doesn't think about me that would hurt me. I am his son and to forget about what you helped create is disturbing. If he does think about me, I highly doubt it is good thoughts, since I would think that I am a threat to his way of life. How do you think that a town of under a 1000 people would react to their mayor having a secret like me? How do you think a little church would feel about one of their deacons having a secret like me? How do you think his kids would feel about a secret like me?

Thus I am stuck with this cloud hanging over my head. I feel like the right thing to do is act like my father doesn't exist, but that just buries the feelings until they will someday erupt. When thoughts of him come to mind, I feel selfish. As long as no one knows about me I am horrible secret, a living representation of a mistake that could turn someone's life upside down. If I become a secret no more, a life will be altered, and more than likely many people hurt. What did my father's other sons do to have their imagine of their father destroyed in there minds?

What is the solution? How is this problem solved? What would God do in my shoes? The one thing I know, is that I will NEVER put my son in this position. I will not let history repeat itself.

Getting Closer

Jackee is getting Closer and Closer to delivering our baby. The pregnancy has flown by for me, but I am sure Jackee would disagree.

Over the last few weeks I have been absolutely amazed at how blessed Jackee and I am.

Of course there are things that would be nice to have, but nothing that we need.

We have friends that struggle with infertility, while we are about ready to have a baby.

There are many people in this world that are starving to death, while I need to work out so I don't get fat.

More than 10% of the people (which is understated) in this country are unemployed, while Jackee and I both have great jobs working for good companies.

Many people are dealing with cancer or other medical issues, while Jackee and I are both healthy.

Many people are lonely, while I am married to my best friend, have a great small group and a loving family, all of whom would do seemingly anything for me.

Many people are wondering how to pay the mortgage, while I am sitting on a comfy chair with my two dogs, typing a blog.

This list could go on and on and on.

The thought of being a father has made me look at the world differently, I can't imagine what it will be like when I actually get to meet our son.

When I look back and think about the things I have been through, all the tough times, I realize how much God has provided. How graceful and forgiving he is. I do not deserve any of these wonderful things or feelings of contentment I feel, but I have them anyway. All the struggles are making this moment all the better. God used those moments, and now I feel like I have reached the pinnacle of life, but everyday it just keeps getting better.

To all of you who are struggling, hang in there, God will provide, I promise that there are people in the world that have it worse. Spend a few moments imagining how things could get worse, and then be thankful you are where you are. Then spend a few moments praying that God will take control of your troubles.

To all of you who feel like me, cherish the moment, be aware of your blessings, and try to share the joy. You are where you are for a reason, love it and share what God has provided with others.

-Shane

Two good blogs, one great article, and a link to a good blogger

First here is a great blog on inequality from Economist's View. Another great blog on class warfare and taxation on Ataxingmatter.

Next I wanted to link to a great article on the health care debate and the growing inequality written by Eliot Spitzer on Slate. (Note: I do not condone many of his actions when he was Governor of New York, but this does not mean he can't write a good article).

Last I wanted to link to another blog written by someone right here in the Cedar Valley. The blogger's name is Matt and he is definitely on the other side of the political spectrum than I am. I have sat down and had lunch with Matt and I have a great deal of respect for him. He is a Christian Man that fights for his values, as you will see on his blog. Many times I do not agree with his conclusions, but I admire his persistence and care.

Check him out here: http://mtrfact.blogspot.com/

(note: I almost wrote his last name but it appears he has removed his personal information from the blog, I don't know why but I don't want to publish his name if he doesn't want it attached.)

I wish I could write that well.

Recently I made a post about violence in Waterloo, since that time there have been a few more instances of violence. There was also an altercation with a Harvard professor who is a very influential black man. It has been all over the news so I am sure you have heard of it. When reading one particular article on Slate which can be found at http://www.slate.com/id/2223472/, the author, Richard Thomas Ford concluded:

I don't know whether Crowley arrested Gates because he was angry that an uppity black man dared to question him or whether this was just a tense misunderstanding that escalated out of control. What's clear is that neither the overused notion of racial profiling nor the trope of a black malcontent playing the race card gives us any real purchase on this controversy. Gates has said he hopes to use the incident as a teaching moment. But if we are really to learn anything from it, we'll have to look deeper. We need to ask why so many police officers of all races suspect the worst of racial minorities. (I wonder what the black Cambridge police officer pictured in the photo along with Gates after his arrest would say about all of this if he could speak candidly.) Decades of blatant and pervasive racial discrimination, poor urban planning, and failed labor policy have left blacks disproportionately jobless and trapped in poor ghettos across the United States. Faced with few opportunities and few positive role models, a disturbing number of people in those neighborhoods turn to gangs and crime for money, protection, and esteem.

Rather than improve those neighborhoods and help the people who live in them join the prosperous mainstream, we as a society have given police the dirty job of quarantining them. Frankly, we should expect that a disproportionate number of power-hungry bigots would find such a mandate attractive. And an otherwise decent and fair-minded officer, faced with the day-to-day task of controlling society's most isolated, desperate, and angry population, might develop some ugly racial generalizations and carry them even to plush and leafy neighborhoods such as those surrounding Harvard Yard. Yet when the inevitable racial scandal surfaces we, like Capt. Renault in Casablanca, are shocked,shocked to find racial bias in law enforcement and quick to blame individual police officers, rather than ourselves.

The baseless arrest of one of the nation's most esteemed scholars is wrong and unfortunate, whether racism or simple abuse of authority is to blame. Professor Gates was publicly humiliated and spent several hours confined in a jail cell for, at most, asserting himself against a mistaken policeman. He deserves the apology he has asked for and apparently won't receive. But the larger problem of racial disparity in law enforcement is not caused by individual misconduct, and it will not be solved by apologies extracted under pressure or the threat of litigation. It's a symptom of the way we have chosen to deal with poverty and racial isolation in this very wealthy and supposedly egalitarian society. And it makes all police scapegoats for the failed and callous social policies that we have all chosen or acquiesced to.

I wish I could write that well. In three short paragraphs Mr. Ford articulated something I believe to be true better than I ever have, and I have tried articulating it often.

There is much to talk about with what he said so succinctly. I want to focus on one word: esteem.

What do you do for esteem? Where do you find your worth? Where one feels valued speaks volumes to one's identity, morals, and motivations. Whether one find esteem at church, being a husband, being a parent, being a hard worker, wielding authoritative power, being in a gang, dealing drugs, or positively influencing others through friendship, the motivation is the same; to find belonging and respect.

Today a friend mentioned something thoughtful about a co-worker. My friend said that a person he knows finds his respect and self worth at work. My friend said something along the lines that this person doesn't get much respect at home and he has power at work, so people laugh at his jokes and listen to what he says. Sometimes this person is very insensitive and can degrade others seemingly to help his esteem. I believe this life would lead to a sad existence.

But, I treat a blog like a journal trying to gain esteem and acceptance. If proof is in the pudding, I haven't gained much esteem and even less acceptance from the blog. In about two weeks time this blog has gotten 131 views, many of which are me checking to see if somebody has left comments. Many other views are from my Mom (thanks Mom). I have also acquired one follower, my wife, and to my knowledge, one link, again from my wife (thanks Hun). That might mean I am just boring, or maybe that means I am the one leading the sad existence. I don't know what the real answer is, but I know the latter is at least true some of the time. To often though I seek esteem from the wrong places. I seek esteem in the car I drive, the house I live in, my job title, my knowledge, and the hurdles I have overcome.

In actuality, I believe one would have a healthy esteem if they focused first and foremost on their relationship with God, then their relationship with their spouse, then their relationship with their family, and then their relationship with friends. Do you notice the trend? A well balanced life with healthy esteem comes from relationships, not things. With that being said, if you don't have the money to provide for your family, you are probably struggling to find esteem. That leads people to seek esteem in places they probably shouldn't, like a gang, the workplace, or a blog.

I am blessed because I have a relationship with God; I have a great relationship with my wife and my family; and I have some very good hearted friends, all of which help me keep my esteem. I don't know what I would do without those relationships, but my guess is a gang wouldn't sound too bad. I spend a lot of time thinking about how people with little material wealth don't get a fair shot in life, but I should be as equally moved for the person who finds their wealth almost entirely at work. Truthfully, there are days I feel sad for the person who finds their worth in a blog or in knowledge. When I start feeling sad for that person, I know I just need to focus on my relationship with God, my relationship with my wife, and my relationship with my good hearted friends, and then I will find the esteem I seek.

A baby boy

Jackee is much better at announcing these things, as you can see from the post she made on theaustermans.blogspot.com. But, I am first with the important pictures.

I am a pretty happy camper today. Jackee is healthy, the baby is healthy and I am going to be a dad. I am going to have a boy!!! Wow.

We will finish with a video:

Atheism

There has been a lively debate over at the Daily Dish, with many posts about atheism. It is interesting to read with people making some lively comments. As many people know, I am a Christian and my faith means a lot to me. Matter of fact, it means more to me than anything, including Jackee, becoming a dad, and the rest of my family.

The shortened story of how I became a Christian is this:

As a kid I was lost and I was invited to go to church, I went to church off and on through high school when I asked God into my heart, I didn't truly live my faith until I met Jackee, and now it is the center (at least I try to make it my center) of my life.

Ultimately I decided that this world could not have come to happen by happenstance. It would take more faith to believe that all this happened randomly, in my opinion. I do believe in evolution. I believe in natural selection. But, I don't believe that evolution accounts for all the variety of life we see on earth. After I came to a belief in something or somebody creating the earth, I started looking at all the particular religions, and I came to believe that Christianity was the only message that had a consistent message.

In addition to using rational thought, I also had too many moments in my life that it felt like somebody was guiding me. I went through a lot growing up and it was clear that God directed me to Him. I had multiple moments where everything should have blew up in my face, and it didn't. There was a hand on my life.

I do not have blind faith; I came to Christianity through research and personal experiences.

Now back to the discussion on Atheists. I take particular objection to people who think religion is equivalent to stupidity. I came to Christianity after much research. I looked into every objection I could to Christianity, and I took them one by one and weighed them against the Bible and reason. Some things I haven't fully flushed out, but the overall evidence was clear. God created this earth.

It drives me up a wall when Atheists assert they are on some higher intellectual ground; that they are somehow enlightened and the religious folks are imbeciles that can't think for themselves. I promise you, I am not brainwashed.

Now this seems like it is an indictment on Atheists, but in reality it is an indictment on Christians and other religious people.

Too often we do "religious" things without understanding their significance, myself included. Too often we do not give non-believers an opportunity to express their objections to our beliefs, myself included. Too often we think we know all the answers about everything, myself included. Basically, Christianity is complex, but there are very few things that are not explainable. There are differing explanations of why things are a certain way, and have a certain significance. This is confusing to nonbelievers and it makes for a barrier to entry. Many times we don't even understand why we do things and we make it hard for others to believe. To assume that we, as individuals who believe in Christianity, have all the answers to the world's riddles is absurd. There are things the bible doesn't fully describe and there are things that can be interpreted in separate ways. We need to be honest about how we are interpreting the Bible and how we came to those decisions.

Individuals that are Christians at times make Christianity seem like something it is not. We make non-believers think there must be something crazy going on with us people. Different denominations believe different things; people interpret the bible to match their own beliefs, pastors, priests, and ministers do horrible things; the crusades (enough said); and each believer is constantly falling short of what God intended.

With all of these different reasons how we mess up what God had intended, no wonder people don't believe in what we believe. But, I honestly believe if you open your mind to Christianity, you can find the purpose to life. I think if you really try to understand the science of our world and understand the Bible, a person will find a cure that is the emptiness and loneliness in our hearts. God is the only one that can fill that void, and I think everybody can relate to the void I am talking about. A relationship with Jesus is what Christianity is about, and it is the only relationship that promises to be everlasting.

Christians too often forget we are Christ's ambassadors, and this makes it easy for non-believers to stay away. With that being said, I promise you that most Christians have seriously weighed their beliefs, and few live with blind faith.

If you don't believe in God, I would love to have a conversation with you. Feel free to email me at shaneausterman@gmail.com or leave comments here.

Google Voice

If you haven't heard about it. Check it out. Google is slowly taking over the world, but they are taking it over by offering free products like documents, blogging, maps, e-mail, search, etc... And now a phone number you can take with you... I am a kind of a tech nerd, and google products are kind of addicting. If anybody has any questions about stuff, I know quite a bit about their products, just ask.

Violence in the 'loo

It seems Waterloo keeps getting more and more violent. These links refer to incidents in just the past week. There have been countless more shootings, robberies, and muggings in the past 6 months.

When you read the comments under each of these articles you will see blame placed in various places. I see things through a little different lens.

People can find fault in many places including the police, the landlords, the parents, the cops, city council, not to mention the drug dealers. Each of these parties probably could do more to prevent these awful things from happening. I want to look at three different parties involved in the situation: Society at large, the individual who does the act of violence, and myself.

I will begin with myself. I am at fault. How you might ask? I don't personally do anything to try to improve the situation. While I could be volunteering at countless number of places to help, I sit writing on a blog few people follow. While I believe that the situation is systemic to a bigger problem, I don't advocate my beliefs in a meaningful forum. The blame needs to start with me, before I point the finger anywhere else. I could do a lot more, but I don't.

Next lets talk about Society at large. This is where I feel a large portion of the blame should go. If you have read anything that I have written prior to this point, you know that I have a soft spot for poor people, and especially for minorities, and specifically for African Americans. Many of these acts of violence, if not all, have involved African Americans. My heart aches for the families involved, and I also feel bad for those who sweep the impact of our nations history under the rug.

Simply put, African Americans have had approximately 45 years to overcome deliberate, damaging racism, and racism is alive today. Too often we forget history. Too often I hear people, especially privileged white people, say that racism is in our past and we need to merely move on. I believe we need to move past thinking black people are victims or unable to succeed. This does not mean we should not be aware of the consequences of our country's prolonged racism.

We need to remember that for hundreds of years some white people intentionally tried to keep black people from education. We also need to remember that there was more than just a glass ceiling for blacks. the ceiling was made of steel. Now, as a race, people of color have had two or three generations to overcome poverty, injustice, and perceptions. Although the laws may have changed 45 years ago, many people still hold racism in their heart today. I have heard the comments myself from people that would surprise you.

There are countless places to find empirical stories of racism. There have also been multiple studies. I want to bring to light merely two sources of information about racism to show how hard it is to overcome.

One source is the book Blink (which I would suggest everyone reading and not merely for anything to do with race). The book highlights how we make split second decisions. In the book it highlights multiple instances of racism from prices on negotiated products like a new car (black men got initial offers of $1,687 over invoice compared to white men who received offers of $725 dollars over invoice), to priming on things like tests (def: priming in psychology is where an early stimulus influences response to a later stimulus. For example, when a person reads a list of words including the word table, and is later asked to complete a word starting with table, the probability that subject answers table is higher than for non-primed, from google definitions), to implicit associations. I can't adequately explain how the book describes how we make split second decisions and how ingrained racism is in our minds. I urge everyone to read the book. The decisions we make in split seconds cannot hide what has been ingrained in our minds. Even people who do not think they are prejudice definitely have negative thinking towards blacks. We act on this thinking in different ways, but usually we do something, which black people notice. Eventually these actions decrease a person's self image. .

The second source of information is a recent study which can be found here: http://www.economicmobility.org/assets/pdfs/EMP_Education_ChapterVIII.pdf

The most telling graphic:

Look at the outcomes for poor people compared to rich people. Take some time to peruse those numbers, they tell a story. Now think how hard it is to get to college if you are poor.

Now combine Racism with being poor and you get a tough situation. I believe that it takes a special person to overcome the prejudices that accompany being black and especially hard when poor. We must not forget this. Society must understand this and do something about it. Before we point fingers at other people we must first point fingers at our institutions and our own prejudices.

Last I want to discuss the person who commits the act of violence. I am sympathetic. My guess is the person hasn't had many positive influences, doesn't think he has much of a future, doesn't know what to do. Essentially he doesn't know how to overcome what is discussed above. Now he must not point the finger at others, he must point it at himself. He must find it in himself to overcome the situation. Like I said, it is not easy, and it takes a special person, but it can be done. Ultimately each person is responsible for their own actions, no matter their circumstances. The downtrodden need to find something to live for. I believe that something is God.

Society must do a better job recognizing our failures, individuals must do a better job overcoming their circumstances, but it all begins with me. I cannot change the world until I change myself.

Best wife ever

I just wanted to let everyone know I have the best wife ever. She is absolutely amazing. She has to be to put up with me...

Work?

Blogging from my phone...technology is crazy

Shane Austerman

sent using mobile device

Dad

So I am going to be a dad in 22 weeks (give or take). Wow... . Jackee and I had some troubles getting pregnant but God has had his hand on our lives.

I can't wait to be a dad. People who know me know I am pretty particular about some things, and I am bound and determined to do the dad thing right.

Over the last couple of weeks it has hit me more and more the type of man I have to be. I built our crib and a dresser that my mom bought for us and looking at them amazes me. I get almost choked up just thinking about a baby being in it. I really can't find the words to express the feelings.

I think my feelings are a little more heightened since I did not meet my father till I was 19 and I have never met that side of my family (that word doesn't really fit; family is more than just blood). I never really had a great step dad either, the two men I was around growing up were alcoholics. I don't have a blueprint, all I have is what not to be.

With all the excitement and enjoyment, I would be lying if I didn't admit to being scared. The thought of the responsibility is almost crushing sometimes. I want to be perfect and I know I won't be.

I carry these thoughts everywhere right now. I go to work and I feel this intense desire to provide. I go to church and I think of all of the sin I struggle with and pray that I can be an example of a man after Jesus' heart. I go to play volleyball with my church small group and I think about how in a year or two I will have somebody watching my sportsmanship and imitating it.

The gravity of it all just keeps me thinking and thinking. It has brought out all of my insecurities and fears. I just hope I can rise above all of it and can be everything our baby needs.

Another email from work...

I received this email at work from a co-worker who I admire greatly:

Subject: FW: A Letter For Ashley's Everywhere - An awsome letter!


Bill is 63 years old and owns his own business. He is a life-long Republican and sees his dream of retiring next year is now all but gone. With the stock market crashing and all the new taxes coming his way, Bill knows he will be working for a good number more years.

Bill has a Granddaughter. Ashley is a recent college grad. She drives a late model car, wears all the latest fashions, and also likes going out and eating out a lot. Ashley campaigned hard for Obama, and after he won the election she made sure her Grandfather (and all other Republican family members) received more than an earful on how the world is going to be a much better place now that Obama won the election.

Ashley recently found herself short of cash and cannot pay her bills, again. As she has done many other times in the past, she e-mailed her Grandfather asking for some financial help. Here is his reply:

Sweetheart,

I am replying to your request for more money. Ashley, you know I love you dearly and am sympathetic to your financial plight. Unfortunately, times have changed. With the election of President Obama, your Grandmother and I have had to set forth a bold new economic plan of our own....the 'Ashley Economic Plan'. Let me explain. Your grandmother and I are highly productive, wage-earning tax payers. As you know, we have lived a comfortable life and in return have forgone many things like fancy vacations, luxury cars, etc. We have worked hard and were looking forward to retiring soon. But this plan has changed. Your president is significantly raising our personal and business taxes. He says it is so he can give our hard earned money to other people. Do you know what this means, Ashley? It means less income for us. Less income means we must cut back on many business and personal expenditures. One example is, we were forced to let go of our receptionist today. You know her. She always gave you candy when you visited my office. Did you know she worked for us for the past 18 years? I can't afford her anymore.

That is a taste of the business side. Some personal economic affects of Obama's new taxation policies include none other than you. You know very well that over the years your grandmother and I have given you thousands of dollars in cash, tuition assistance, food, housing, clothing, gifts, etc., etc. By your vote, you have chosen another family over ours for help. Judging from your Email requesting more money, I recommend you call 202-456-1111. That is the direct telephone number for the White House. You yourself repeatedly told me I was foolish voting Republican. You said Mr. Obama is going to be the people's president and is going to help every American live a better life. Based upon everything you have told me and things we heard from him as he campaigned, I am sure Mr. Obama will be happy to send a check or transfer money into your checking account. Have him call me for the transaction and account numbers, which by now I know by heart.

Perhaps you now can understand what I have been saying for all my life: those who vote for the president should consider what the impact of an election will be on the nation as a whole, and not just be concerned with what they can get for themselves (welfare, etc.). What Obama voters don't seem to realize is all of the "government's" money he is 'redistributing' to illegal aliens and non-taxpaying Americans (deemed "less fortunate") comes from tax money collected from income tax-paying families. Remember how you told me, "Only the richest of the rich will be affected"? Guess what, honey? Because of our business, your Grandmother and I are now considered to be the richest of the rich. On paper, it might look that way. But in the real world, we are far from it. But, as you said while campaigning for Obama, some people will have to carry more of the burden so all of America can prosper. You understand what that means, right? It means that raising taxes on productive people results in them having less money. Less money for everything, including granddaughters.

Congratulations on your choice for "change." For future reference, I encourage you to attempt to add up the total value of the gifts and money you've received from us over the years, and compare it to what you receive over the next four years from Mr. Obama.

Remember, we love you dearly... but from now on you'll need to call the number referenced above when you need financial help.

Good luck, Sweetheart.
Love,
PopPop

So...

There are so many angles to this email that needs to be discussed.

First of all, the person who sent this to me I respect greatly and I am almost certain understands the faulty reasoning in this email, so I believe this to be the most egregious part of the email. This person not only sent the email to everyone at work, he also passed it along to many of his close friends and professionals in the community. The person who sent this is probably the best banker I have ever met. Here is my problem with passing on an e-mail when you know the logic is flawed: it makes it appear that you will jump at any comments that are ideologically similar to your own, even if they don't present the truth. It takes away from your credibility and promotes ignorance. This email was sent to feed off of people's emotions, while not looking at facts. Emails that tout anonymous stories of this nature, in my experience, are normally not factual. They are written to misinform and generate emotion. They make us feel better about ourselves, while pointing the finger at someone else.

Some will still agree with the principal of the email. When I read this email I see the principal message as being that the current economic downturn is Obama's fault and that Bill is justified in blaming Obama and his followers for his predicament. Here is where that logic is flawed:

1. Obama has been in office less than 200 days. The problems behind this crisis are rooted much deeper than anything he has done. I say this while acknowledging Obama has made some mistakes and admitting he hasn't handled the situation very well. There have been way too many people claiming they know the root of the crisis who have been very much wrong. This crisis occurred for many reasons to name a few: cheap interest rates for too long, stagnant median income growth over the last 10 years, people not saving enough, China's current account surplus, deregulation, leverage in banks, etc. For more on this there are experts that are much better than me, see: baseline scenario, naked capitalism, the big picture, and the economist's view. (I will say with an almost certainty that the Community Reinvestment Act had nearly nothing to do with the crisis.)
2. If good ol'grandpa Bill let his receptionist go, it had nothing to do with proposed tax changes. Obama's proposed increase in income taxes will increase taxes on income above $250,000 by 4.6%. (about where they were under President Clinton). So say Bill makes $400,000. His tax bill will go up about $6,900 (4.6% X (400,000-250,000)). If This was enough to let go of one employee, wow. Plus, taxes haven't increased yet and they won't be increasing until probably 2011, perhaps 2010 (which would be paid by April 2011). Why did he let his nice receptionist go now?
3. Now people pay more taxes than just income taxes so their is no doubt there could be additional taxes increasing. The most apparent increase will probably be capital gains taxes which will go from 15% to 20%. This would be income from stocks, bonds, and other assets you hold and then sell after the go up in value (primary residences are excluded most of the time). Normally, if you have income from this category you are relatively well off and your marginal tax rate is normally higher than the 20% rate, so this income will still be taxed lower than your normal income. Also, under president Bush this was lowered dramatically, and the proposed increase would still be lower than what it was in the 90s. Bill mentions hard earned money, most of the time, capital gains are not hard earned (except perhaps when selling a business venture). (For more information see wikipidea, which I am not a big fan of, but this is pretty concise and mostly factual).
4. Grandpa Bill also mentioned corporate taxes. There is no doubt that the US has some of the highest corporate taxes in the world, but the irony is that the majority of businesses in the US, unless they are publicly traded, are not taxed under the corporate tax rate. Usually businesses are set up as Sole Proprietors, Limited Liability Companies, Partnerships, and S-corps, which their income is passed to the owners and taxed at the individuals tax rate. This is one of those things that the media almost never discusses. I work at a bank. I look at tax returns literally every day at work, and I can count on one hand how many businesses I have seen that are set up as a regular corporation, and that is out of hundreds of businesses. There are very few times when it makes sense to be set up as a regular C corp, and normally if a business is set up this way, they have a great deal of assets.
5. The email somehow equates young with privileged (yes Ashley is privileged). This is irritating. I am young and yes I voted for change and I have not been entirely happy with that change. I am also pretty privileged. I am white, I grew up in the mid west around people who spoke like rich people, and attended quality schools. I was by no means as privileged as Ashley though. The subject of the title speaks to Bill's disdain for the younger generation. There are some lazy people out there, but more that are discouraged and think they don't have a chance no matter how hard they work. I think most people on welfare would trade places with Ashley. It appears by Bills comments that Ashley is lazy, but she still has a college education. If you grow up poor, you cannot get a college education if you are lazy. Ashly will end up being fine. She speaks the language of the rich and has a college degree.
6. "Perhaps you now can understand what I have been saying for all my life: those who vote for the president should consider what the impact of an election will be on the nation as a whole, and not just be concerned with what they can get for themselves (welfare, etc.)." The irony in this statement is so deep. Bush gave the largest handout to the wealthy of any recent president and maybe more than any president ever, got us into two wars with no way out, destroyed our image internationally, and set the economy up for disaster. He will go down as one of the worst presidents ever. When I went to the voter box, I wasn't just thinking about myself. I was thinking about the nation.

I would like to reiterate that I have not been happy with much of what Obama has done, and I am sure in the future I will go into it more. With that being said, I am pretty sure things would even be worse if McCain had been elected.

Lastly, I came across a great blog called ataxingmatter. The author has been linked to by many top economists in their blogs and she seems pretty knowledgeable.

Long enough post for now... More posts coming soon. I would like to hear some comments from anybody that reads this. maybe just to know I am not in a vaccuum.

Failure

What do you do when you realize you have failed? Do you ever allow yourself to realize that you failed, especially when nobody points it out? I recently have realized that I fail much more often then I succeed.

What do you do when you fail at something you care deeply about?

Over the last two months I have realized that I fail all the time at something that I care a lot about. See, I believe deep in my heart that most people want to be good people, that they want to succeed. I also believe that we tend to think that we are very different from others, but in reality we are much like some of the people we dislike most. Lastly, I believe that the world would be a better place if we realized we were not so different then our adversaries. I will tackle each belief one at a time.

I have met few people that want to be bad people, but many who want to fit in. There are rare cases of people who have emotional, chemical, or physical impairments that cause them to have saddistic desires. Those people aside, almost everyone wants to succeed, especially by the standards of the people around us. The people around may be different, but we want what our social network values. We want to have a certain image, certain material wealth, and/or be perceived as upholding certain morals, and sometimes we take short cuts to get there. Conflict arises when people or groups of people have desires that clash. When this happens, we say or do disparaging things to the opposition. Why do we do this?

Whether somebody is a criminal or saint, rich or poor, Muslim or Christian, Republican or Democrat, plaintiff or defendent we do things to protect our own interests. Whether we succumb to peer pressure, greed, or insecurities we do bad things at times. We also do amazing acts of kindness, and when we do them, we get perhaps the greatest enjoyment out of any other act in the world. No matter if we do good or bad things, our motives are quite frequently selfish. For me personally, I am prone to desire things to be done my way so I can protect my desires. I also see those people who do acts of service and the joy they get and want that for myself. My decision process weighs what I will get the most enjoyment out of. Do I want to watch Law and Order, which will give my wife nightmares (but I enjoy), or do I want to watch the Bachelor, which is a kin to putting a fork in my eye, but will make my wife happy (and ultimately me happy, as I get enjoyment out of seeing Jackee happy)? Both options make me happy, but which one will make me more happy in this moment? Ultimately I analyze which will make me feel better. No matter if I chose to turn the channel to Law or Order or The Bachelor, my motives are actually quite similar. Whether I appear to be selfish or servant, I am selfish. Why does this matter in society? It matters because when we look at other people, we gravitate to people who get enjoyment out of the same things, and we demonize people who get enjoyment out of other things. We value things differently, and this is what drives our actions.

The world would be a better place if we realize that our motives are similar but our values are different. Now most people will jump in and say, "my values are better than theirs." I ask, who determines whose values are better? Each individual's life experiences will shape their own values. The person who grows up in a Christian household with competitive parents will undoubtedly value different things than the person who grows up surrounded by drugs and apathy. The child who grows up with parents involved in their schooling will value different things then the child who grows up with parents who are absent. The Christian should have different values than the atheist. The privileged have different values than the oppressed. The list goes on and on. Our ultimate happiness will be dependent on having relationships with people who value the same things as we do. But, the world would be better if we did not look down upon people who have different values, because we may just end up finding out that our values end up being similar.

I have a soft spot for people who I feel are oppressed. I feel like the poor, the minorities, the uneducated, and even some criminals don't have a fighting chance in our world. I feel like too often the people with wealth get to decide what society will value. I find this is specifically true in what languages are acceptable, what mannerisms are allowed, and what ideas will be valued. It just so happens that most people with wealth value wealth, so our society is inundated with a desire to gain material wealth. I believe all people should be valued, especially children.

What does all this have to do with failure? First, I too often look at my adversaries and generalize, which I believe is wrong to do. Second, I have done a poor job in my relationships describing the thoughts above. When I have done this poorly, I am misunderstood and appear self indulgent. When people know parts of my story, combined with how hard I fight for the poor, I come off as being self righteous. Lastly, I have failed because too often I partake in political debates with people who either do not believe the things above or have not thought about these ideas. These debates ultimately deteriorate to me insufficiently trying to make the points above. I have failed those people who I care so much about.

So how do I improve? How do I stop failing? How do I show my values? How do I show my motives?

Economics 101

So I came to work the other day and had this forwarded email to me:

Subject: Economics 101

Whether you agree with Dr. Rogers political conclusions or not, you must agree that he makes an interesting point...

The late Dr. Adrian Rogers (1931 to 2005) Memphis, TN, offered the following observation several years ago and it bears great Significance today: 


"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the rich out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend is about the end of any nation." 

"You cannot multiply the wealth by dividing it." 

The person who sent this to me will remain annoymous, and be called "Sender".  But I have a great deal of respect for this gentleman.  He is a devout Christian.  He, if you can't tell, is also very much a Republican. I would consider myself a moderate, but most would consider me a liberal.  Don't we all like to avoid labels?  The "Sender andI have had many discussions over religion and politics.  I was disappointed in what I percieved as a lack of his understanding of the poor.  Anyway, I felt compelled to respond and here is my response:

I believe the fallacy in this argument is the presumption that people don't want to work and people don't want to take care of themselves. There may be a few who don't want to provide for themselves, but I believe most just want an equal opportunity. Most of the people I have talked to, when pressed, want to be self sufficient even if they say they want a hand out. It is convenient to look at the underresourced and assume that their situation is completely the result of their own doings because it absolves us from recognizing our position of privledge. While we demonize the poor, we make heroes of the wealthy assuming they are self made. I know of no person who is completely self made. Our society likes to look down upon the poor because it allows us the higher moral ground when we assume that others are simply too lazy to work hard. When you get to know more people who make bad choices you realize that they aren't that much different then yourself. 

What we fight for and what we try to defend is usually a good indication of our own insecurities. That is why when I read a statement like that below, I am quick to counter, because at one time I was one of the half that needed help. I needed somebody to pay for my medical bills so I could survive, and my mom didn't have the money. I don't want to believe that I am an indicator of "the end of a nation." Think of my mom in that situation, do you think she didn't want to work, or do you think that perhaps all her hard work wasn't producing enough money to pay for a decent standard of living? I promise you the 16 hour days she worked was definitely hard work. After watching her, I can see why some give up, as now she is 62 and still working well over 60 hours a week. Comments like these, especially when income inequality is at an 80 year high, strikes a nerve. Ironic, income inequality is at an 80 year high, while we are in the middle of the worst recession since the 1930s, which happens to be 80 years ago. I am not insinuating causation, but I am almost certain there is correlation.

The truth is the poor get discouraged because it doesn't matter how hard they work, they feel like they will never have a decent living. While my mom has worked well over 60 hours a week, I know of business owners who work16 hours a week but makes over $500,000 a year. What separates my mom and this business owner? One particular business owner was given a business after he was writing bad checks all over town and nearly bankrupt. He is not smarter; he is not better than my mom. His wealth was created through the backs of people like my mom. I believe his arrogance, greed, and power are a better indication of "the end of a nation" than a kid who would die without a "handout." 

Comments like these (Dr. Nelson's) do nothing but drive a stake through the "have-nots" while allowing the "haves" to step on that pedestal. I ask you "Sender", did you feel good about yourself when you read this? Did it feel good to press send? Did you do it with a loving heart? It didn't feel good when I double clicked and read. And when I think about it, when I go to hit send, I will do it with anger and love. I am angry that I do not feel understood. I am angry that some kids right now are starving. I am angry that in our country of wealth there are some who don't feel like they have a chance. I love the fact that God has given me a voice to change perceptions, and I will fight to do it. I love the fact that God put me here at this moment. I pray that this brings Glory to God. 

There are some very minor changes I made above from the original email to protect some people.  The gentleman's response to me is below:

Shane, 

I certainly meant no offense and I hope you realize that I understand and appreciate your perspective on things. However, I think you have to understand that there are two sides to any argument. And just because I have a different opinion on economics does not mean that I am attacking you or your family. In fact it's families like yours that gives me hope for this nation. I realize that for many people it is governmental support that has kept them alive and for that I am grateful. I am every bit as adamant about supporting the poor as you are. The difference is that I do not believe it is the governments role or responsibility. I believe the church should take care of orphans, widows and the poor. We both want those less fortunate supported and helped, we just think that the help should come from different places. I am truly sorry to have offended you, believe me I meant no disrespect on you or your family. To answer your question regarding "How I felt when sending the email"... Believe me if I had thought that this email was going to offend you I would not have forwarded it. I tried to make it clear in my opening statement that I was presenting one side of the argument, not forcing any political agenda's on anyone. I will be more careful in sending political emails in the future. 

Your Brother in Christ, 
Sender

Like I said before, I have a great deal of respect for this person.  He is a very strong Christian, but we have had many conversations and I feel like he really doesn't understand the situation for the poor.  I still didn't feel like he did so I replied again:

Sender,

I do not take offense personally, I realize you don't understand what it is like or what your words do. I just want you to realize how passing on an email like that makes others care less about the poor. I hope you understand that there are more people like me out there than those who just want to live off somebody else. I also know that you meant no harm, but to me, this is not a mere political matter, nor is it merely an "argument." While economics for most of us here is simply the difference between a new car and a used one, it is life and death for many. 

You are right, the church should do more. The problem is that the church protects their own. It does a poor job reaching out to the underserved even in our own towns. The church has been no more successful, and I would even argue less than the government, at helping people through hardships. Do you think mom was going to church when I got sick? When is the last time your church paid for somebody's medical bills over $100,000? How about somebody who didn't go to your church? When was the last time your church brought in somebody from the east side as a new member? When is the last time your church paid for somebody's college that wasn't a member? If it was up to the church, I would be dead. The church is failing, and it is not because of the government. The church is failing because we are sinful. Too often we use charity to feel better about ourselves rather than make a difference. We give not in love, but in self adoration. We don't care about the person on the other end, we don't care about their story, we just like to say we did our part. This is why there is not enough funds in the church. We just really don't care enough, and we take a bad attitude. 

We care less about others when we feel like they are lazy. We feel like we don't need to reach out to them, for they are making their own bed to sleep in. Statements like the one sent embolden people to care less. 

I want you to send me the political e-mails. I want you to think about what you are sending. Get to know some poor people. Get to know why they are poor. Learn who they are and why they are that way. You will be surprised.

I care a lot about what the church is doing.  My church is attempting to do more for the underprivledged, and we have outreaches to many places.  We are attempting to do more on the east side of Waterloo, but it is hard.  

Any of the times I said we in the email, I mean to include myself.  I am guilty of not necessarily giving out of the goodness of my heart, but a feeling of obligation.  I would like to think I am sacrificing while I give, but if I want something, I get it. I must remember that I must change myself before I try change others. 

The Sender's response was:

Fair enough Shane. Each is entitled to their own opinion. Despite our difference of opinion I do appreciate your desire to see the poor taken care of as I desire the same thing. 

He may have been busy or had any other number of valid reasons to basically not respond.  I have a feeling it was simply that he didn't want to continue the conversation.  Either I am annoying, I am overbearing, I make him mad, or he doesn't like to be pushed.  For everyone who reads this?  think of these questions I asked the sender of this email.  Look inside yourself, what are your motivations.  Who is your church reaching out to?  If you don't go to church, let me know why.  

On the whole, I believe the rich end up benefitting a great deal more from public goods than the poor. Without roads, business owners couldn't get their employees to work or move their goods. Without the military, policeman, and courts, the rich would be succeptible to lose their wealths.  Without public schools, the business owners wouldn't have educated employees.  This is not to say I don't believe the poor benefit from public goods. The poor just have less to lose.

Lasting thought: Do you think people would rather have a hand out or be self sufficient?