Dad

So I am going to be a dad in 22 weeks (give or take). Wow... . Jackee and I had some troubles getting pregnant but God has had his hand on our lives.

I can't wait to be a dad. People who know me know I am pretty particular about some things, and I am bound and determined to do the dad thing right.

Over the last couple of weeks it has hit me more and more the type of man I have to be. I built our crib and a dresser that my mom bought for us and looking at them amazes me. I get almost choked up just thinking about a baby being in it. I really can't find the words to express the feelings.

I think my feelings are a little more heightened since I did not meet my father till I was 19 and I have never met that side of my family (that word doesn't really fit; family is more than just blood). I never really had a great step dad either, the two men I was around growing up were alcoholics. I don't have a blueprint, all I have is what not to be.

With all the excitement and enjoyment, I would be lying if I didn't admit to being scared. The thought of the responsibility is almost crushing sometimes. I want to be perfect and I know I won't be.

I carry these thoughts everywhere right now. I go to work and I feel this intense desire to provide. I go to church and I think of all of the sin I struggle with and pray that I can be an example of a man after Jesus' heart. I go to play volleyball with my church small group and I think about how in a year or two I will have somebody watching my sportsmanship and imitating it.

The gravity of it all just keeps me thinking and thinking. It has brought out all of my insecurities and fears. I just hope I can rise above all of it and can be everything our baby needs.